Jasper Stymie

Ten year old Jasper Stymie was last seen around 10pm on Thanksgiving day in 2009, before he reportedly hitchhiked his way out West to flee his hometown of Kremlin, Oklahoma. Many locals that knew the Stymie family cited young Jasper’s social problems as a strong possible motive to run away, but otherwise knew very little about the boy. It was clear the whole family was a bit of a mystery to this small town…and those that came forward to the press seemed to have their guard up.

“Pretty much everytime I went to get a Diet Mr.Pibb from the store, that kid was firing bottle rockets at our goats when I got back,” said a local shirtless man who asked to remain anonymous. “I’d have called Child Services on ’em if his Dad didn’t help me sell my ATV…it’s a shame though.”

“My Mom’s pool boy used to babysit him, and he told me that he refused to eat anythin’ except the heads of gummi animal snacks, true story,” said a sweatsuit-wearing local woman, who also asked to have her name omitted.

During the second week of Jaspers’ disappearance, local authorities in Kremlin began noticing an uncommon number of decapitated sheep bodies showing up around the outskirts of several family farms in the area. At the site of one such beheading, Deputy Don Mesmer told reporters “Mmmm…well it happens sometimes, everyone makes mistakes when they first start shearin’ them…but this seems too calculated to be just the overzealous, shaky hand of a farmer that’s tryin’ to make ends meet.” After blowing his nose with what appeared to be a used KFC napkin, the Deputy asked the media to clear the crime scene, where a small strand of purple hair was reported to have been found.